she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
