I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
