Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
