the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
