I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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