ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
