guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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