guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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