the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
