i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
