I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
