we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
