Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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