i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
