it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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