mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize