u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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