What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
