This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
