i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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