I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
