I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
