I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
