two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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