you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
