How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
