Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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