keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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