this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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