it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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