Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
