i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Pants are for mortals
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
