I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
