I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
