Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
