I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
