ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
