I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
