I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
