It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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