Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
