I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
