I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
