JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think my moral compass just broke
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
