i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
