dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
