Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
