shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
