she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
