just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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