I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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