I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
