whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
