I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
