I cockslap morals
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
