yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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