she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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