I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
