It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
