Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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