I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
