I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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