im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
