i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize